i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
