i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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