if only i could text you this smell
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
