I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
