operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
