ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
