STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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