We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
