Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
