I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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