I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
