I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
