I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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