Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Rumble strips road head = magical
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
