What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
