I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
