you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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