Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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