Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
