I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
