the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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