Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
