I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dick very happy bro
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
