I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
