I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
