There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
