remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think I am morally bankrupt
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
