I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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