I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
