You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
