I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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