I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
