Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Boobs are out for the taking
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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