If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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