You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
