Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
