You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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