do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
