He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
