just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
