look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
