The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
