Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
