two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
