I'm pants shitting drunk right now
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
did i walk over a car last night?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
