okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
