so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
