he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
