you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
