Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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